What To Do When He Doesn’t Message Back?
Ya know the drill – you chat for weeks, build up a connection, and realise you share the same views on eating pizza in bed and how to lace sneakers. You check your astrological compatibility and it’s all good. You meet his mates. Your Tinder starts gathering dust. You go back to his and…
Then just as quickly as it began, silence. He goes AWOL. Maybe his Whatsapp isn’t working or maybe he’s broken his thumbs. You send him that totally jokes new meme of Drake riding a unicorn and still… nada.
Boo! You’ve been Ghosted, buddy. Ghosting – for the unfamiliar few – is the latest dating low where your new beau bounces, never to be heard from again. But how do you deal with this totally heinous diss? How much wine should you drink to get through it? This is your guide to Ghosting survival, frockadvisor style.
Stage one: Disbelief
He’s probably busy. Yep, that’s it. Maybe he’s dead. I’ll check his Instagr…oh.
Wine needed: A casual glass or two. Because he will message. I’ll turn my phone on flight mode. Actually, that’s silly. I’ll put it on silent and turn it over. Actually, I’ll just leave it and then I’ll know when the message comes through. Everything’s actually fine, actually. Fine.
Stage two: The Sads
Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyy meeeeeeeeeeeeeee? Whhhhhhhhhhy?
Wine needed: None, because I’m busy crying into my pillow
Stage three: Fury
How dare he? HOW? I am awesome and he is a loser and I hate everything and life isn’t fair and F**K THIS SH*T I’M MOVING TO ANOTHER PLANET
Wine needed: All the wine. ALL OF IT.
Stage four: I’m Every Woman
I’m just gonna focus on myself, K? I don’t need anyone because I am comfortable on my own and I’m a strong, confident woman and I don’t even care. Yeah.
Wine needed: No wine because I am running a marathon/volunteering in an orphanage/focusing on my career. Actually, maybe just one small delicious wine. Mmmmm, wine…
Stage five: Next…
Whatevs. It’s not all about dudes. I’m genuinely feeling good about myse…
Ooooooh who’s that he is HOOOOOOOOOT I LOVE HIM.
Wine needed: However much wine you bloody well want.
And if all else fails…
You are brilliant and do not deserve this from anyone! Allow yourself a little time to feel sad and then give up the ghost and move on. Put on a fabulous pair of ghetto hoops, don your finest dungarees, grab your mates and belt out some Beyonce. Your neighbours will forgive you. Eventually.